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Furniture

by Shawn Malloy

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1.
Unemployed 03:09
Unemployed Financial security completely destroyed Lots of time to clean my home but I just know that I won't I'd rather dance and sing in front of the mirror It's the only way I see my future getting better I'm like a scab you have to peel me off the couch An electrical fire is the only way I'm leaving this house If you don't see my screen name on the interweb It's fair to say that I probabbly haven't even got my lazy ass out of bed No time to mountain climb, to ride my bike, go for a 10 mile hike I'd rather stick my finger in my belly button just to see what that shit smells like Pajama party for one, if you were here that'd surely be no fun I know some owls and vampires that keep telling me I should get some more sun All i know is that the job market has been kinda slow The last time I worked was some time half past 40lbs ago My girlfriend says that I should stop laying around The last time I checked I had about 6 cents in my savings account
2.
The Loveseat 02:37
The time to stand has come and gone we've been on our feet for far too long I know a little place in the livingroom that hasn't seen too much action So hey there Mr. Sofa move over, tonight you ain't the main attraction You know why they call it the loveseat? they all want you to come sit next to me Why you standing all the way over there? There's no time to sit in separate chairs Excuse me if you thought I was flirtin But I just thought your ankles must be hurtin After a long hard day of working I'll close the shades, then i'll close the curtains You can rest your head on my shoulder I just caught a chill, I think it's getting colder The only way you could possibly stay warm is to be in the tight grasp of my arm You know why they call it the loveseat? they all want you to come sit next to me Why you standing all the way over there? There's no time to sit in seperate chairs You and me can be romantics Cuddle up and watch some netflix They send the movie right to my mailbox There's no question about what we should watch I hear you out there searching for a spoon This might sound weird but I keep them in the livingroom Don't take the heat, get the fuck out da kitchen A spot next to me is what you've been missing
3.
Stir Crazy (free) 03:10
Even though I like my a.p.t. It's starting to wear on my a.d.d. I could use a little more scenery Even if it's someone else besides me,... Seeing me... It feels like everyone's out to get me Every time someone forgets me Even these four walls are against me lately Call me bored or call me crazy An occupation is a definite maybe Someone please agree to pay me and save me Maybe if I had some more attractive decor 'Cuz sleeping on this couch is as comfortable as sleeping on the floor I'm tired of doing laps around the livingroom When I awake at two in the afternoon
4.
She just wants to snuggle up on the couch But I'm just too busy thinking of what the next song should be about She works hard for the money And all she wants is just a little of my company I don't know what to do I don't know what to say She feels alone with me When I'm alone in space She says that I'm obsessed With all of my interests I think she's trying to express Thoughts of her loneliness I just want to spend my day on the computer Start my world tour here on Earth, end with a couple of dates on Jupiter She works hard all day and comes home to an empty house Physically me by body is here, but my brain is definitely somewhere else She says we don't make love the way we used to Ever since I left my heart on Pluto
5.
Furniture 02:46
6.
Doctor doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of the poor man's blues Can I rest my head on your couch pillow And tell you how my faith in anything has gone out the window Here I am in psychotherapy Bitching about how life isn't fair to me I feel like those bathtub murder victims you see on CNN Too young to die, too weak to move, too scared to try anything Hold me down Hold my breah underwater Don't let me drown Like unfit moms do to daughters For me getting out of bed is the hardest thing to go through Like Neil Sedaka says, "waking up is hard to do." Or was it breakin up? Was it even a song I was thinking of? Everything seems harder now, everything including thinking of stuff Is this depreesion I have to much to say for just one half hour session It's a tough confession Saying this nervous breakdown was my intention
7.
Sofa Messiah 03:27
The issues that truly matter I preach about in my Facebook status My word of truth will make the world better So follow me, follow me on Twitter Who needs a job that pays when your purpose is to make the people listen to the words you say? The only problem with my prior statement is my website only got three hits today Politicians are liars Bearers of false desire So put your faith into this Sofa messiah How can I pay my gas bill balance When the world is so out of balance? Have more important things to think about Then my debt and how to get myself out I'm too consumed by moral philosophies Then what employment opportunities have to offer me I write my blogs and thoughts so awesomely It makes your jobs look like bags of colostomy Politicians are liars Bearers of false desire So put your faith into this Sofa messiah I spread the gospel to you Via my blog on Youtube Tune in your ethernet wire To this sofa messiah A couch to you, to me, the king, it's a throne I sit Do not question me, just fetch me more chocolate Lets disuss issues that truly matter Make mention not of that my face looks fatter Politicians are liars Bearers of false desire So put your faith into this Sofa messiah I'll share my thoughts on the internet With fourteen year old girls that have not interest in world affaris, they quickly tire of this sofa messiah
8.
Vacation time is here, I'm getting off the couch, I'm gonna go somewhere Close my eyes and I'll be there, soaking up sunrays, breathing the tropical warm air I'm gonna do this now while I'm young and able I mean pick up the phone and call the company that installs digial cable Travel channel, oh travel channel Give me more sunny regions than I can handle I'm goin surfin, channel surfin to my favorite city Vacation tv station to the coast of Tahiti The cable guy is here, he's gonna hook me up, he's gonna take me there I don't even have to pack my bags, I'm gonna scratch my ass, I'm gonna crack open a beer So lets go to an island so remote, the only way there is with a remote No planes, no boats, no luggage toats, just Hawaian shirts, and hula skirts, no winter coats Discovery channel on demand-uh Take me to a land of friendly pandas I'm goin surfin, channel surfin to my favorite city Vacation tv station to the coast of Tahiti We'll go there, go anywhere while in the comfort of my favorite armchair Travel the world in a day and I don't even have to change my sweaty underwear I'm goin surfin, channel surfin to my favorite city And that city is any place but New England, New England weather is so shitty
9.
I got a job, it's on the internet I'm gonna make a lot on the internet A stay at home job, it's on the internet Data entry, don't have to break a sweat Welcome to the new cyber age You don't have to work for minimum wage It's a new way for you to get paid Just buy this packet and follow what the instructions say I don't give a damn If it's a scam I'll take a chance What have I got to lose? Got a careeer on the internet No time to worry about identity theft I'm a big shot, big business They hired me on the spot on Craigslist Excuse me while I count my millions I'm just kidding, I make bazillions My child staff is mostly Brazilian Why does company employ children? At Global Life Share have the life you dream of Spend less time at the office and more time with the ones you love You'll only have to work for minutes a day The future you've been waiting for is just a few clicks away You can be successful in virtually no time Just include your start up fee of $99.99 Here's a testimonial of someone whos been there: Now I have more time to love my sister. Thanks Global Life Share! Yee-Hoo!!! I don't give a damn If it's a scam I'll take a chance What have I got to lose? It's a scam If it's spam Don't take a chance Working from home isn't real Start today and receive this complimentary sofa bed.
10.
Stupor 03:58
I started sippin some Beam Next thing I know I'm in a dream I'm fallin down and I'm stumblin Feels like the ground belows crumblin I had some problems with balance Ever since I emptied that chalice I wish my vision was clearer You look like a funhouse mirror That last drink knocked off my soxors I'm runnin round in my boxers I'm about to call for some pizza Cuz I ain' fallin asleep here There ain't no room on the couch Everyone else is passed out I'll to shake off this daze I feel like a mouse in a maze I can't remember my name I don't know how much I drank I put the blame on this Stupid stupor Had too much fun with a funnel And now I'm walking through tunnels Over the toilet screaming uncle From too much alcohol consumption My heads about to burst at the seems All thanks to Mr. Jim Beam If I still had a job I'd take tomorrow off There's nothing left of this rager The liquid's turned into vapor Everyone else has retired I am the sole survivor There's nothing left of my future Just getting over this stupor And uploading the pictures Of all my teabagging victims
11.
Last night I don't recall Anything at all It might be a wakeup call from my body If I can't even hold down this cup of coffee I can't keep living like this on such limited income With cheap handles and 30 racks I think I'm all done Dear me, listen please Can't take another shot of vodka I could afford furniture if I didn't just get wasted when I Stop pounding Steel Reserves while using Old English as a chaser Cutting back tipping back is my current mission I have enough in bottle returns to pay for my first kids college tuition Now don't get me wrong cuz I'm not quitting I'm just trading guzzling for sipping Dear me, listen please Can't take another shot of vodka Classy isn't drinking Natty Out of a snifter, sincerely your liver P.S. Clean up the mess There's beer fowls all over your beat up old sofa
12.
I'm planning on feeling better, finally And when I do I'll make myself an active member of society I'll make more applications Be adamant about sending resumes in I'll get a haircut, maybe lose a couple of pounds Take my girlfriend for a night on the town When you're working overtime You neglect your peace of mind Please don't count me out yet Cuz I'm counting each second as progress I'll by a better couch, dryer, and washer machine I won't have to wear the same thing every day, all of my clothes will be clean Sometimes getting better Means a break from societal pressure Please don't count me out yet Cuz I'm counting each second as progress Still years of hurting to deal with When I'm not working I'm healing We'll buy the things that were stolen from us at our last apartment Get the money that the landlod owes us, and pay the bills on time again I'm planning on feeling better momentarily I'll put my life back together with a bit more clarity

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released February 16, 2010

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Shawn Malloy Ann Arbor, Michigan

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